On Being an Expatriate

"A person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing." (Wikipedia)  


Adventure.  Excitement.  Internal Chaos.  Everything is different, yet I constantly am finding moments or situations that are the same.  I miss everything about my home country and I love everything about my new country.  It's confusing, weird, exciting, tear filled, humor filled and absolute chaos some days.

I have heard it explained, “Living in a foreign culture is like playing a game you’ve never played before and for which the rules haven’t been explained very well. The challenge is to enjoy the game without missing too many plays, while learning the rules and developing the skills as you go along.” (L. Robert Kohls) Man, that is how it feels some days.  Little things in this culture such as people, especially most women, don't complain.  Did you catch that?  They don't complain.  I have never heard a women go on and on about her husband leaving his socks out, not taking out the trash or something more real and vulnerable in her marriage.  I rarely if ever hear a women complain about her job.  If she does complain in a slight way it is quickly followed up with an apology for expressing emotion.  Seriously?  I have got to have that rub off on me!  It's refreshing.  It's inspiring.  And to be quite frank, some days it's infuriating.  It's not infuriating because it's appropriate or even good to complain, but wow it feels good to just be real.  As well, there is something connecting about sharing your real life with someone and them sharing back their real life stuff. 

New rules.  New game.  No description of the game or rules. You find out you are "buzzed" or "fouled" when an awkward silence settles in a conversation.  An uncomfortable look or comment occurs.  A blank stare hits you right between the eyes.  It is then you realize you were just "buzzed" in the game of life as played by the new country you are residing.

Here is the beauty of this:  you grow, you develop, you change...into a better person.  The catch:  sometimes on the way to a better person you (when I say you I clearly mean ME!) look like a complaining, whining baby and you are not a fun person to be around, draining the life out of anything that is semi good because you are comparing it with what used to be.  It has taken me over three years to settle in here and heaven knows I don't have it down.  Here is what I do have down.  I live here. It's reality.  It took me thirty six excruciating months to process all the change and upheaval, but now I can say without cringing inside, I live in New Zealand.  Christmas is warm (well...depending on what city you live, my current city was coming in at a cold frosty 50 degrees F as I held my Starbucks cup and wandered the mall for Christmas presents).  Traditions are different.  People are not always what I expect.  Americans have A LOT of stereotypes to overcome in a new culture.  I will stumble upon a "rule of the game" I didn't get right, but then I will either make a better friend through it or have a great story!  

Oh so many stories here.  Going into the doctor for a female check and "disrobing" because we do that in America and quickly feeling weird and asking the doctor through a curtain if I need to disrobe.  She awkwardly responds, "Well, no, but it is whatever you are comfortable with.  I hear other cultures have to disrobe completely and put on a gown."  Frantic chaos ensues as I quietly try and put my clothes back on without being obvious while laughing at "other" cultures.  Oh the rules I don't know...

Some days I write my own rules.  Some days I adhere to the new rules I know.  And some days, unfortunately, I break a cardinal rule of the culture.  Some times it is funny but other times it can be hurtful.  I can bring up a taboo subject or confront an issue in a culture that does not confront and finds it disrespectful.  While that makes me crazy, I have a choice to respect their rule or take the proverbial board game and throw it in the air and stomp out of the room.  I just don't want to be that person or have to go back and clean up that huge mess that will inevitably follow.  

Being an expatriate.  It's an incredible privilege that few in life really get to experience.  It can be mind numbing, frightening, tear filled and hard, but it can also open up a part of your soul you never knew existed.